why is he here?
by Chaos god of balance
Summary: I HAVE GIVEN UP
1. Chapter 1

why is he here?

chapter one

"hey Caboose?"

"yes agent washing tub?"

Wash ignored that as he was already used to Caboose's mispronunciations of his name. "you ever wonder why you're here?"

Caboose thought for a minute, literally a minute, before answering "not really, the blue team is basically all i know."

"come on Caboose you have to think of your family or something."

"I don't really remember anything before bloodgulch, just my name. Now if you will excuse me George, I've got to get back to my project." Caboose then walked into his room and locked the door.

Wash sighed, nobody knew what Caboose was doing in there and any spy bots that Sarge planted in the room went offline. wash wondered for a second why Sarge was here if he could build advanced robots from scratch. that thought lead him to wonder about Caboose's personal life, and if he was going to get any info, he was going to need help.

/

"hey Simmons!" come out here i need your help!" yelled wash at the red base.

Simmons walked out of the base to wash. "why would i help you asshole? your our enemy."

to which wash responded "because we've been at a cease fire ever since we won all your ammo in a poker tournament and if you help me I'll give some of it back."

Simmons sighed "good point, what do you need?

"i need access to the personnel files."

"what? what makes you think i can help you with that?"

"because Grif told me you downloaded everything in the freelancer storage facility to the many hard drives you keep on your person. which by the way, is illegal." responded wash in his normal tone.

"oh shit! Grif told you about those?"

"yep, now give me the blue files before tell sarge Sarge you broke the law and know his real name" Simmons gulped in horror and ran into the base to get the files.

/

wash put the hardrive into his computer, which Sarge had built also, and pulled up personnel files and was met with a password lock. "shit, how the hell am i supposed to know the damn password!" Wash sighed and got ready to give up when he saw a note on the case the files had been on that read 'the password is rvb64, now don't come looking for the password or you get shot!'

"of course Simmons knew the password, and named it something other than password." wash then searched for Caboose's file.

"what the hell?"

**hello to anyone reading this! if you review this it will encourage me to wright the next chapter faster than i probably would(which would take around a month due to my inability to not become bored of everything). also i can't figure out how to get my damn mac to auto correct on pages. i hate pages, Microsoft word is better but i don't have it.**


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

"what the hell?"

[no data]

there was nothing there, no Michael J. Caboose at all, as if he never existed. Wash knew he must have missed typed or somthing so he pulled up the squad listings for the Valhalla bases.

Red team: private first class Dexter Grif, private first class Richard Dick Simmons, private Franklin Delano Dounut, sergeant (for the sake of the reader, Sarge's name will be withheld)

Blue team: private first class Lavernius Tucker, private Leonard L. Church (nobody in the damn teams ever reported to comand so the only reported causality was Flowers), Kaikaina Grif, Junior Tucker

"Hmmmmmm no Caboose. Wait, what the hell is Tucker's Alien baby doing on the Squad listings!?" Wash leaned back in his chair and sighed "never mind but ether Simmons gave me faulty info, or there's something in the water that's making me hallucinate another squad member, both plausible."

just then Tucker walked in "hey Wash, what you up to?"

Wash sighed again "i'm looking for Caboose's file, but it's not here."

"maybe for some retarded reason they're classified or whatever, then again, why would anyone care about Caboose?" Tucker then promptly walked away.

'heh classified, why would the file of a sim troop be classified?' Wash thought 'then again, I don't think it would hurt to use my freelancer access codes to get higher level information' Wash then did somethong dangerous, hooking up to the main freelancer computers that may still be operational. when he signed in he was met with the simulated voice of F.I.L.S.S.

"Hello agent Washington, it has been 1 year 2 months since you last signed on"

'hm, I thought it was around 3 or 4 years, but i guess time slips away from you when you're in a place where the sun dosen't move'

" Filss search for the file of Michael J. Caboose"

"Searching. file found. I'm sorry agent washington but the file you wish to acces is beyond your clearance level. Agent Washington you have 1 new message."

Wash was shocked "What the hell? open it Filss."

"complying. the message is audio only. initiating playback."

/ / / / / / / / / / / / / / / /

"wash if you can hear this it means you're in danger. to be able to listen to this you must have had to login to your account which will have alerted someone who is heading to your location as we speak. you're not safe anymore. find Carolina and Ebsilon and go to the simulation outpost known as blood gulch. I'm counting on you."

/ / / / / / / / / / / / / / / /

"message ends"

the voice was male and it sounded familiar but Wash couldn't quite place it when his thoughts were inturupted by Filss.

"after rechecking my data i have confirmed that agent Washington was K.I.A. meaning you have hacked into this system. an operative has been dispatched to your location to terminate you. goodbye." and with that Wash's computer shut down.

**hello readers! i found enough time to stop procrastinating write this chapter. also those squad listings up there, acording to the wiki those are the full names of the characters.**

**also another thing, I'm taking oc submissions. I don't need them, I just like to see peoples ideas and see what i can do with them. the oc can be a freelancer, a spartan, a misc. super solider, an AI, or a simulation trooper. please give their description, their name, age, prefered wepeaon, faction, and backstory. **


	3. Chapter 3

**I'm back! that is all.**

"wait so you're telling me that we're all in danger and we've got to run away? that's the cowards way out. say and fight like a man!" said Sarge

"Sarge you can either go with us or stay here and die" responded Wash, always the voice of reason.

"fine then give Grif the keys to the warthog, we need it to get to the sight where we hid the ships."

"you know Wash, I always respected you until now." he threw Wash the keys and sulked into red base. population now 1.

"okay guys let's go"

/ / / / / / / / / / / / /

"so what's the plan Wash?" asked Simmons

"we find Carolina and Curch and go to a secluded outpost."

"when did you get that plan?"

"I got a mysterious message telling me to do that. or I went stir crazy and the only danger is actually in my head."

"cool, what outpost?"

"bloodgulch"

Grif lost it **(warning this is going to go on for awhile.)**"nooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ooooooooooooooo(takes deep breath)oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooo."

"does this happen often?"

"whenever someone even says bloodgulch he goes on for about a minute. seeing as we're actually going there, we might be here for awhile."

"oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooo"

[3 hours later]

"ooooooooooooooooooooooooooo." Grif than colapsed.

"finaly we can get going!" yelled Tucker

Tucker, Grif, and Simmons got into one hornet and donut got into the drivers seat of the other one. "hey where's Caboose?" wash looked over to see Caboose was just staring up at the cliffs. "Caboose what are you doing?"

Caboose then suddenly yelled "wash get down!" and tackeld Wash to the ground as a rocket flew over their heads and crahed into one of the hornets about a yard **(a/n slightley less than a meter for anyone besides Americans)** behind them.

the last thing Wash heard was the quickly silenced screams of his friends.

**sob sob sob some monster has killed them and that monster is me and i just reaised i might get so many hate messages for killing every red and blue besides Caboose and sarge. don't worry, the characters in rvb seem to have a resestiance to death. remeber donut being hit by a ship and shot in the gut? or how about sarge being shot in the head? or Grif being run over by a tank? lol. no seriously though they're dead. as in, not coming back.**


	4. Chapter 4

**hello readers! i was in Arizona for most of spring break! it sucked! there was nothing to do! pancakes! i surprisingly only got one review saying "why would you kill them you bastard! why am i ending everything with a exclamation point! should i change this story's genre? oh good, a question mark!**

**(btw, **_this is thought_**)**

His ears were ringing. His vision was blurry. what had happened? _man, i must've had a wild night. but wait, what's that smell? _then he remembered. a rocket had hit the hornets and exploded. Wash's hearing and sight started to come back and he heard Caboose.

"no! Donut I can't lose you! your my third best friend in the world! *sniff* come on Donut live!"

Caboose was trying to save donut, but Wash knew it was a lost cause. "Caboose stop, he's dead."

"no! he can't be dead!"

"Lets's get out of here, we can go get Sarge and track down whoever did this."

"you go ahead Wash, I have to bury them."

"All-right, but Caboose?"

"yeah?"

"give me your gun, I've seen what people do in theese situations and I don't want that to happen to you."

/ / / / / / / / / / / / / /

[Undisclosed location]

"are you sure?"

"yeah. when those idiots broke in here and took it out they activated something else."

"are they fragments?"

"no. they're more like memories with lives of their own."

/ / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / /

Sarge had taken it worse than Caboose. he was still sobbing. Wash had to wrestle Sarge's gun away from him to keep him from killing himself.

"Sarge come on! the faster you turn you saddness into unhealthy feelings of revenge is the faster we can hunt down and brutally murder the person responsible!" Wash knew he was being harsh but he knew that Sarge would do the same thing.

Caboose had come back and now had a look of fierce determination on his face. "Wash how are we going to get around? the only way in or out of the canyon is with ships."

"yeah i know. that's why i'm calling in a favor." *ring* ring* ring*

"Wash your head is ringing!"

Wash sighed. Caboose recovers from everything fast enough to be back to his old self in no time " Caboose, this is my Communicator. we all have one. now let's see who's calling." Wash pressed a button on the side of his helmet and a picture of Doc appered on his vizor. "hey Doc. i was just about to call you."

"yeah Wash this isn't a good time to be casual." Doc sounded distressed.

"what's wrong?"

"well... 2 freelancers and an alien have their guns to my head and they're saying that if you don't come to my location in 5 hours they're going to kill me!"

"shit"

**i love cliffhangers. i'm still taking oc submmisons. here's the format i would prefer them in:**

**name:**

**race:**

**gender:**

**age:**

**program(freelancer, spartan, sim trooper, something you make up, ect.):**

**weapons of choice:**

**skillz:**

**armor color and design:**

**prefered backstory(if i don't like i will edit and/or make a new one)**

**i know my chapters are short but i make this up as i go along.**


	5. Chapter 5

**hey readers i'm back! ugh, for the last 3 nights i had to be at musical practice for 3 hours. thats right, i'm in a musical.**

"please Wash hury!" Doc screamed into his helmet. The freelancer to his left then leaned down and pushed the button on Doc's helmet to hang up.

"that's enough for you Doc." chuckled Wyoming.

"how are you even alive? I know that we killed both of you!"

"that's a funny story you know, very funny. you see, the maroon one, what was his name?"

"Simmons" said Doc bluntly.

"ah yes, Simmons. you see, back in blood gulch." a noooooooooooo could be heard if you listened to the wind. "he killed all of my time duplicates, saving me the trouble of doing it. I meanwhile went and hid in the caves to avoid capture. I've been there for a long time until Maine and his friend there told me what had happened. also haw!. you pushed him off a cliff, Maine can take a fall from space." the meta just grunted.

Doc turned to the alien "come on junior! why are you helping them?**(junior's back!) **I helped raise you after you were born!"

"blarg!"

"we don't know why he's helping us, but if your friends don't come, you're going to wish you were his dinner."

/ / / / / / / / / / / /

"allright men! now that the sky had stopped tearing open and showing of immages of god Caboose and me, we're going to continue our attack on the blues!"

"but sir! don't you think we should worship them or somthing?"

"no Simmons, if Caboose is God, then we can kill him and eat his flesh to gain his powers!"

"Sarge that's insane!"

"well I'm hungry and god meat sounds good."

"shut up Grif you're always hungry."

"how bout both of you shut the he-" just then the world started shaking again. "dammit! Simmons, activate emergency plan alpha 64.38!"

"on it sir!" Simmons then ran into the base.

"well at least this emergency plan dosen't start with me getting hurt."

"wait for it." a large rock fell from the sky and crushed the warthog. "dammit, Simmons what is taking you so long!"

"comming sir!" Simmons ran out of the base with a bow and arrow.

"Sarge how will a bow and arrow help us stop the world from exploding?" Simmons then shot Grif in the knee. "ow! what the fuck Simmons! now I'll never be able to adventure! **(I am so sorry for that.)**

"dammit Simmons I said plan alpha 64.38 not plan beta 64.38!"

"due to the Geneva accords **(or whatever, there's alot of war laws that start with geneva)** I had to use another one!

"damn rules of war!" then there was an enormous flash of light and all was quiet.

/ / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / /

Wyoming looked at his watch "well sad to say Doc but it's been 5 hours."

"w-what are you going to do to me?"

"how long did you have Omega in your head?"

"what?"

"how long did you have Omega?"

"a-around a year."

"you see Doc, that was just enough time for him to leave a imprit on you, a sort of backup if you will. and with this little doodad." Wyoming pulled out a AI personel unit **( if you want reference, it's the kind of thing that Cortana was stored in that master chief would put in his helmet) **"we can activate that backup and bring him back." Wyoming then inserted it into the AI slot on Doc's helmet.

"noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo." a grey holographic figure then appeared near Doc's head.

"muah ha ha ha ha! I live!" O'mally then looked at Doc "wait, what the hell! why can't i posses your body!"

"hmm... it seems you lost that abillity friend."

"oh hello Wyoming. hey, didn't you die?"

"nope. now would you kindly jump over to me?"

the AI slot on Doc's helmet closed "oh no you don't if there's one thing I know it's where it's safe. and where's more safe than the head of a pacifest doctor? plus almost all of my data is permently stuck in this idiot's brain."

"I can already tell that this is going to be fun."

/ / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / /

"I told you we shouldn't have tried to bring the wartghog!" Wash yelled at Sarge.

"well I thought we would need the firepower!" Sarge yelled back

"well we took 5 hours getting the thing unstuck and now Doc is probably dead. not that I care, becuase he was useless, I just like to be punctual."

"well if it isn't the 3 stooges." Wyoming said as they approached.

O'mally suddenly appeared on Doc's shoulder "stooges! where are they, I love to control them." he suddenly gets sad when he sees that it's just Wash, Sarge, and Caboose. "damn it's just gun-nut, and D.C."

Caboose looks confused "what did you ca-" he was cut off when Junior tackled him and started sucking his blood. "oh hi Junior, please stop drinking my blood."

Doc took this as his time to speak "Wash why didn't you bring the rest of the guys?

"they're dead Doc, all of them."

Doc was shocked "what! they're all dead!"

"damn! I was going to do that!" O'mally whined.*hissssssssssssss* "oh and Wash, you dropped a grenade."

"what? but I have all my grenades on me. Sarge you check yours."

"nah i used all of them to dislodge the warthog. Caboose?"

"I'm not allowed to carry grenades."

Wyoming looked up "fuck. someone threw a grenade at us didn't they?"

"yeah we probably should've figured that out sooner."

"shi-"

*boom*

**well that was a longer chapter than usual. also the last few lines were from season 9. also with OC submissions, backstory is no longer optional, it's required. Also if you were wondering, yes you can submit more than 1. also just for fun, how old do you think i am?**

**also. you are now breathing manually.**


	6. Chapter 6

**the only reason keeping me from uploading quicker is laziness, that's all. also since I kinda have to build the story around ocs, the story is not going to be how I originally planned it.**

"my eyes burn!"

"what!?"

"Caboose shut up you're deaf!"

"what!"

"deaf!"

"I'm dead? noooo I had so much to live for!"

a figure in black armor standing about 12 feet away sighed "what a bunch of idiots."

/ / / / / / / / / / /

[somewhere in UNSC controlled space 3 days ago]

a spartan in steel and red colored armor stood in a briefing room looking at a holographic projection "so this is the place me and my squad are going?"

a man standing in the shadows responded "yes that's where you're going. the reason you're going is so that we can get a foothold in the area. you'll arrive in 3 days. good luck lieutenant Ansell."

/ / / / / / / / / / /

Tex had finally had enough of these idiots flailing around. "hey idiots!" everyone turned to look at her.

"tex?!"

"tex?!"

"scary lady?!"

"chick that can somehow beat the mighty reds singlehandedly?!"

"texas?!" **(can you guess who said what?)**

"I'm back."

Wash quickly shook off his surprise "Tex how are you alive! we thought you were trapped in the memory unit!"

"I got out of that thing the second you opened it."

"please tell me you're not the one who killed the guys."

"what? what would I gain from killing my closest allies?"

Wash thought about this for a moment "yeah i guess you're right" *ring* *ring* *ring* "hmm, pretty much everyone I know that's alive is right here so I'm guessing that this is Church or Carolina." Wash then answered his communicator.

"Wash we're under fire and we need your help!"

"nice to hear from you too Church, but we're kinda busy over here."

"what! what could possibly be more important than saving me from danger!"

"Tucker, Simmons, Grif, and Donut are dead and O'mally, Wyoming, Meta, Junior, and Tex are alive."

"..."

"Church?"

"..."

"Church are you there?"

on the other end of the line someone picked up the call "sorry Church just went into shock."

"oh hey Carolina. what do you need?"

"Wash we are under fire and need backup right now!"

"under fire from who?"

"I think they might be insurrectionists."

"what!? I thought they stopped fighting when the Covenant wars started!"

"yeah well apparently they started fighting again!"

"ugh fine, where are you?"

"blood gulch." if you listened hard enough, you could hear screaming.

/ / / / / / / / / / /

"Ansell! Ansell please tell me you're not dead." A grunt was trying to wake up a spartan. most people seeing this would have absolutly no idea why.

another grunt standing nearby spoke up "Alfred come on. if he didn't wake up 10 minutes ago why would he wake up now."

"Julien if he's dead what's stopping the insurrectionists from killing us? or those covenant extremist? or those promeathean things? who the hell knows what's in this sector, it's loaded with forerunner technology and there's a wormhole just floating in space spewing out junk!"

Ansell suddenly groaned "Alfred will you please shut the hell up?"

Alfred suddenly hugged Ansell "sir I'm so glad you're alive!"

Ansell pushed Alfred off him "what the hell happened?"

"the ship was attacked by some covenant extremists! we were all in drop pods and we were scattered! it's pure dumb luck that we landed near you."

Julien sighed "I guess we should just wander about aimlessly until we find out where the others are."

"as much as I hate to admit it, that's the plan. now, did you 2 see any useable wreckage around?"

Alfred nodded "we found a warthog but both of us are too small to reach the pedals."

"then it's time to move out."

**credit for Ansell goes to** **hydraflow**

**credit for Alfred goes to "alfred"**

**credit for Julien goes to me.**

**also for most ocs allied with the UNSC, they'll have gotten to the sector from the drop pod crashes.**


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

"How is that asshole bouncing shots that accurately!" Church and Carolina were hiding behind cover as several bouncing sniper shots (HOW DO THEY BOUNCE!?). following the standard set by stormtroopers, everyone else missed by 10 yards.

"He must have an A.I.! It's the only thing that would allow him to shoot that accurately!" a shot missed Carolina's head by an inch "SHIT! Yeah defiantly an A.I.."

Church looked to the sky "those guys may be idiots, but Wash, the Meta, and most scarily Tex are with them."

/ / / / / / / / / / /

"Is this the fastest this thing can go!" Wash shouted over the roar of the wind and engine.

"I've over-clocked this thing to impossible levels. Until I figure out how to attach a slipspace drive to this thing, we're not going any faster without a 100% atomic explosion rate."

Everyone but Caboose shouted "ATOMIC!?"

"Nothing." Sarge replied. then the music that plays when the warthog drives starts playing **(can anyone tell me what that is?)**.

Everyone groaned.

/ / / / / / / / / /

As Ansell, Alfred, and Julien drove through the middle of asscrack nowhere Alfred checked the map. "well we're currently in the region the map calls 'asscrack nowhere'. Quaint."

"Alfred shut-up. There could no possibly be anything more annoying then your comments about the geography and names of the area."

"Hey look over there!" Julien was pointing out into the distance where a drop-pod was falling into a canyon.

Ansell smiled "must be out lucky day." Then the music started playing.

Everyone groaned.

/ / / / / / / / / / / / /

In Bloodgulch Church and Carolina where still behind cover. "well we're dead. That sniper seems to have infinite ammo, the regular soldiers are getting better aim, and we're out of ammo."

"Church stop being pessimistic! I need to think of a plan." Carolina heard some music. "and turn that music off."

"That's not me." Church "smiled" but not really because he's a hologram that wears a full face covering helmet. "but I know the tune. But why is it coming from three directions?"

**Hello readers. Sorry for not updating this in a while. But I have a good reason. I started a new story in the Legend of Zelda fandom. I'm giving it slightly more priority over this because I actually have a plan for it (it's going to be a series sooooo... yeah.) don't expect too many updates from this. Maybe monthly? less if people care less. longer monthly chapters if people care more. it's just easier to write fantasy then to write science fiction. sooooooooooooooooo... yeah. just had an idea, one of you guys write a magical, medieval, fantasy version of red vs. blue. if it's awesome. I will write this regularly. if nobody uses the prompt, this story has monthly updates.**

**!ALSO IMPORTANT THING ABOUT OCS! No more good guys! I wants some evil/ insane/ greedy/ sad evil/ antihero pricks.**


	8. Chapter 8

"yeeeeeeeeeeehaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!" A voice yelled as it drove a warthog off the edge of the top of the canyon, landing wheels down about three feet from Carolina. But the driver wasn't Sarge. "Hey Carolina, long time no see." A person in purple mark VI armor with gold trim.

"Oregon!? How the hell are you alive!?" Carolina shouted.

Agent Oregon laughed. "Why wouldn't I be alive?"

"Because you-" Carolina was cut off by a woman that climbed out of the passenger seat. Her armor was the same as Carolina's, only with a mark VI helmet.

"Because he was driven insane when they implanted an A.I. that Freelancer knew was barley functional. He later blew up the hull of the ship which cause him, about 30 maintenance guys, and two agents, only one of which survived. He himself was declared dead but in reality he just landed on a nearby planet by over clocking a jet pack. When evidence was found that he were still alive I was sent out to retrieve him and his A.I." She put out her hand for a handshake. "my name agent Carolina, nice to meet you."

"WHAT!?" Carolina (the old one) and Church shouted in unison.

"Um guys we should probably move a few feet to the right because we're about to be hit by a drop pod. In other words, HIT THE DECK!" Agent Oregon shouted as a drop pod hit the ground next to them missing Carolina (the old one) by an inch. "oh I guess we're fine." he then stiffened up for a moment. "no we are now actually in danger of being hit by a warthog being driven by a person of sergeant rank that wears red armor."

Just then a voice shouted over the canyon. "yeeeeeeeeeeeeeehaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaa!" A warthog landed in the canyon wheels up on the other side of the drop pod. "ow."

Church looked at Oregon. "how do you do that?"

"My brain, my armor upgrade, and my A.I. all merged into one went I finally snapped. My upgrade was the prototype of Wyoming's so now I can see all the most possible outcomes of any situations. Now let's go meet your friends and try not to shoot the ones hat have shot at you before."

/ / / / / / / / / / / / / /

after about five minutes of temporally settling disputes between everyone Oregon started talking. "okay now that we've settled everything we need to open this drop pod and hope the person writing this that this isn't the outcome in which there's a insane elite in there."

"What in God's name are you talking a about?" Sarge asked.

Oregon then realized he had broken the fourth wall. "NOTHING! oh and by the way DUCK!" everyone understood that it would be best to duck at this point. Everyone except Caboose.

"Duck! Where?" those were his final words before the sniper shot him in the head.

"CABOOSE NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Church shouted.

"Don't worry you can still save him with C.P.R. like you did with Sarge unless-" he was cut off when Ansell's warthog finally arrived by landing on Caboose. "that happens."

**Did I just kill caboose? no. he's not dead. I would never kill caboose. he's just injured and in excruciating pain.**

**but on a happy note. RVB SEASON 11 IN 2 WEEKS!**

**Unfortunately that also means this will lose possible cannon in 2 weeks.**

**Fortunately it means I'll be releasing a new season special were all the ocs I've selected to appear on June 14th.**

**Also here's a challenge for anyone who wants one: rewrite the first few episodes of red vs. blue season one IN A FANTASY SETTING. You know with swords and magic and stuff. the best one (which will probably be the only one, if anyone actually uses my prompt) will get to design a story arc. so get to writing!**


	9. Chapter 9

"Whooooooooo party!" Oregon screamed as he threw a beer bottle(his tenth) across the room, hitting Grim Powers the elite in the head.(Tidoi1508 your oc is accepted) "they did it!" Oregon yelled pointing at Alfred and Julien who were standing on each others solders to reach the snack table (they're grunts, meaning they're kinda short)

"oh shit!" they both yelled as they ran away.

"BLARG!" Grim shouted as he yelled after them.

"hehehehe." Oregon chuckled. "hey why isn't anyone else havin fun?" it was true. Nobody there was having fun. Caboose,Sarge,Wash,Carolina(the old one), Doc, and Church were all wishing that their friends were there to enjoy the party, bumming everyone else out. Not even Danny, the joker of the neutron squad could get people in a good mood.(kcrb0202 your team of ocs is accepted.) "well if I can't cheer you up I know someone who can!" Oregon said as he pulled out a phone and started hitting buttons randomly.

/ / / / / / / / / / /

I shake my head "no that won't work. damn my dead end ideas!" suddenly I had a stroke of inspiration. "of course!" I said as I began typing. I then disappeared in a flash of light.

/ / / / / / / / / / /

I then appeared in the party room thinking to myself _wow I've lost all semblance of plot for this chapter. meh._

**Note to self. Never return to a chapter you started a week ago and forgot what your plan was for it. This was supposed to introduce all the ocs I had selected but I guess it didn't work. meh. at at least you guys get to read something.**

**Yay for season 11! **


	10. Chapter 10

"Shit I think we hit something!" Julien shouted as he climbed out of the warthog, followed by Alfred and Ansell.

"Well, of course we hit something! What do you think that enormous thunk was." Alfred said.

"Shut up you two!" Ansell shouted.

"Why?" the two grunts asked.

"Because if you two idiots haven't noticed, we have several guns aimed at us."

"What side are you on!" Wash shouted.

"UNSC, now who are you?"

/ / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / /

After about fifteen minutes of introductions and people telling their stories, the new Carolina staying quiet about her own past, and ducking anytime Oregon said so, everyone was acquainted. five minutes were also spent trying to open the drop pod, but it seemed to be sealed shut.

"So half of you guys are criminals and the other half are insane/stupid?" Alfred asked.

"yep that's about right." Answered Sarge "speaking of stupid we should probably do something about Caboose. He may be strong but he's still human. Or whatever, I've never seen him without his helmet come to think about it." He looked over to the drop pod that Oregon and several others were trying to open. "hey weird dude get over here!"

"What do you want? I'm busy trying to not kill everyone here. It's very hard because you guys are jerks."

"How can we save Caboose?"

"Hmm, well CPR is out of the question because that's only good for healing sniper rounds to the head."

"That still doesn't make sense!" Wash shouted from over by the drop pod.

"But there is a fifty precent chance that that sniper has a healing unit."

"What's the other fifty precent?" Alfred asked.

"That the sniper is made of delicious biscuits. Either way, I win."

/ / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / /

After five minutes of set up a dry erase board with a battle plan had been set up. if you're wondering where the dry erase board came from, screw you. "okay you all understand the plan right?" Wash asked.

"Yep."

"Got it."

"There's only a fifty percent success rate on this, ten percent for failure, and a forty precent chance we spontaneously breakout into song and dance."

"Oh come on. There's no way I'm ever singing." Church snorted.

/ / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / /

Minutes later...

"And that's what the red and blues are all aboooooooooooooooooooouuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuut!" Church sang.

**JK!**

/ / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / /

"Okay now that we know the plan I have to take roll." Wash said. Church raised his holographic hand. "yes Church?"

"You know we're not children. You don't have to take roll."

"I know that you're not children. You just act like them. Sarge?"

"Here."

"Oregon?"

"Here."

"Church?"

"You know I'm here asshole."

"South Carolina?"

The old Carolina answered "here."

Church turned to her "you're full codename is South Carolina? Why didn't you ever tell me?"

"Because it was never important. Also you never asked."

"North Carolina?"

The new Carolina answered "here. Call me Carol to avoid confusion."

"Ansell."

"Here." Ansell sighed.

"Caboose?" Caboose gargled his own blood a few feet away.

"Alfred?"

"Here."

"Julien?" there was only silence followed by a sniper round that everyone ducked under. "does anyone know were Julien went?"

"He went off with the bad doctor, the scary big dude, the alien, and the annoying guy with the accent." Alfred answered.

"What!" When did that happen?"

"About fifteen minutes ago. They also took one of the warthogs."

"GODDAMMIT!" Caboose gargled more blood "SHUT UP CABOOSE!"


	11. Chapter 11

**I'm back everyone! Sorry for the wait on this, I have no excuse that can justify my absence, but I can try. 1. I was taking summer classes for the month of july, 2. I'm the DM for a D&D group 3. I began watching doctor who a few weeks ago. **

Chapter 11: old faces, old annoying faces

It had taken a few minutes to remake the plan to account for the missing people(and by people I mean two freelancers an alien and a grunt) but the plan was ready for action. it was a simple plan using a mix of the old tried and true red vs. blue strategy of running at you enemy screaming, and actual survival instinct from going down into the caves and Coming up behind the sniper.

You want to know if it worked? Okay if you insist, but I'm not writing any action scenes. I'm not that good at them. Instead I'll use my DMing skills and roll a D20 to determine the outcome. Hmmm... 16. Let's see add the base attack...

A FEW MINUTES LATER AFTER I CALCULATE EVERYTHING...

They succeed and Wash is now hiding behind the sniper.

Wash sneaks up behind the sniper, raises the but of his gun above his head, and brings it down upon the head of the sniper, knocking him out cold. "target is down, I repeat target is down." Wash says into his communicator.

/ / / / / / / / /

A few minutes later they had the sniper tied up and on the ground back by the drop pod and were standing around him. "He obviously has an AI. Nobody could ever make bounce shots like that without assistance."

Carolina looked over at church who was floating over her shoulder "you know what to do right?"

"On it." Church replied as he went into the sniper's head.

"Now we just have to wait." Wash said. the sniper suddenly shifted. "Shit he's awake!"

"Owww... my head." The voice was familiar to Sarge. The sniper looked up at Sarge "Oh hey dude, long time no see!

**Guess who that is and you get a cookie. and for people who have submitted characters that I haven't implemented yet, it's because I haven't found the right place to put them yet.**


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12: so thats how I bring them back

"Goddamn it Vic!" Sarge yelled as he pushed Vic against the drop pod(**I'm surprised nobody guessed it was VIc. the title was old faces, meaning someone who was on the actual show, annoying faces, meaning a character who is annoying, and Vic's #1 word is dude)**"where the hell did you go after blood gulch!"

"Woah take a chill pill dude or one of those-" Vic couldn't finish that sentence because Sarge punched him in the face. He was about to punch him again when Wash grabbed his arm.

"Sarge stop. He's no use to us if he's dead and you might damage Church or the AI."

"Don't worry about Church, this guy doesn't have the AI implanted so He's only in the helmet." Carolina said.

"Good." Wash said "now let's get down to business. Where did you get the AI?"

"Where do you think?" Vic responded "from freelancer of course."

"But we shut down freelancer and I know the director is dead." Carolina said.

"And the new director has to thank you for that. That old guy was slowing down progress."

Sarge pushed Wash out of the way "I have one question for you and then I don't care what happens. Who killed my men?"

"Oh I know who killed you dudes but I'm not telling. Whats it matter anyway? They were just sim troops who would've never left this canyon in the first place if actual soldiers hadn't come and done something. You're worthless." Bang. Vic was dead. Sarge turned around to see Caboose holding the gun.

/ / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / /

Inside Vic's helmet had the same look that all the other minds and helmets had looked to Church, gray and pretty much empty. The emptiness didn't surprise Church because the helmet wasn't directly linked to the wearers mind, meaning the only person here would be the AI. "Hello!" Church yelled. "anybody in here?"

Church wasn't expecting a reply but he surprisingly got one "just a second!" Church heard from around the corner. Church readied his gun(even though it was completely useless as it wasn't real) "Show yourself!"

"Okay okay!" From around the corner stepped a solider in maroon armor "Hey aren't you that guy from blue team?"

**Dun dun duuuuuuuuuuun! Pretty short but I made use of the space don't you think? I finished this on Saturday and do you know what I notice? it's so boring. **


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13: I' too lazy to think of a title**

"Simmons!?" Church exclaimed. "How the hell are you alive?"

"Hey I barley know where I am. one minute I'm in blood gulch and the next I'm here." Simmons responded.

"but we haven't been in blood gulch for year-" A thought struck Church. "Oh shit. Simmons you might want to sit down because I have to tell you some stuff."

3 HOURS LATER WHEN CHURCH HAD GIVEN SIMMONS A RUNDOWN OF WHAT HAD TRANSPIRED...

"So you're telling me that I"m just based off a guy you know, who's dead."

"Yes"

"And I"m not actually real?"

"Pretty much."

"Okay."

"What?"

"I said okay."

"You're okay with this!?"

"now that I know I can see all the little things that don't make sense."

"Okay if you're fine with it then we should get out of here."

"okay how do we do that?"

"Yeah this might hurt a bit." Church said as he threw a grenade at their feet.

"Son of a bit-!"

/ / / / / / / / / / / /

"Hey Sarge guess what?" Church asked as he reappeared.

"The sniper was Vic. Caboose killed him and then wandered off." Sarge stated.

"Oookaaayyy... well a version of Simmons is alive."

Simmons then appeared "reporting for duty sir!"

"Simmons you're alive? and holographic."

"Well he's not exactly Simmons. When I was in the epsilon unit I created a replica of blood gulch with all of you guys in it and he's the Simmons from that replica, which means there's also a replica of everyone but me running around as well. Now what was this about Caboose and Vic?"

"Sarge just told you." Oregon answered from his place leaning on the still unopened drop pod "Caboose killed Vic and wandered off, then Wash went to bring him back. all we have to do now is wait." were Oregon's last words as the door to the drop pod flew off without warning, smashing him into the ground.

From the pod emerged a woman in lime green armor "Where is Franklin Donut?"


	14. Chapter 14

**I give up.**

**I have no ideas left for where to take this story. it went off the rails somewhere around the 3rd chapter.**

**Actually, to be honest there really weren't rails to start with. there was only enough rail to hold the train with nothing in front of it.**

**I think the main problem is that RVB IS a fanfiction. so writing a fanfiction for RVB is writing a fanfiction for a fanfiction.**

**sorry to anyone who liked this but i just can't finish this fic. if you want to continue it, fine by me. I just give up.**


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